Bashooku
  • Petaluma, CA
  • United States
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Bashooku commented on Bashooku's blog post Letting go is hard to do.
"Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate that. If there were some magic words to fix things, you could be certain I would be peppering everything I said with them like they were bacon bits."
1 hour ago
Lauren commented on Bashooku's blog post Letting go is hard to do.
"I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you, but I don't. This is a difficult situation, and I'm wishing you peace."
10 hours ago
Bashooku posted blog posts
22 hours ago
Bashooku commented on Nicole's blog post Depressed
"Please, forgive me for a cut and paste. I've been going through a lot over this last week, so I'm really drained. I left this comment on another blog and I feel it connects to yours.  It's okay. Stress and anxiety do that to us.…"
Sunday
Bashooku commented on Lauren's blog post Pressure
"It's okay. Stress and anxiety do that to us. It's draining and makes things difficult. When you are feeling drained, it's your own body and psyche telling you that you are fatigued and that you need to get some rest. We get all of…"
Sunday
Lauren commented on Bashooku's blog post Torn
"This is such a difficult situation, but you are doing the best you can by looking out for the safety and well being of your step son. The fact that you care so much says a lot about your character. "
Sunday
Bashooku commented on Bashooku's blog post Torn
"Well, I tried talking to her about it. I tried to express my concerns regarding the drinking, how much money she's spending on that, and how that is effecting her ability to pay the bills or, simply, buying her son some new clothes needs. She…"
Saturday
brists commented on Bashooku's blog post Torn
"Have to do the right thing."
Saturday
OddOne commented on Bashooku's blog post Torn
"Bashooku, It is often hard to do the right thing because of the consequences.  You have to try to look at the big picture.  I think you did the right thing and I wish you the best of luck."
Saturday
brists commented on Bashooku's blog post Blind Spots
"Hey, Matthew. Hope you have a great day my man. I was wondering, when you first awake what is the first thing that enters your conscience mind? For me it is the same issue that has been inundating my thoughts for the past few weeks. I have given up…"
Saturday
Bashooku commented on Bashooku's blog post Blind Spots
"Thank you for that link, Lauren. I tried it, but I was too wrapped up in crap for it to be effective. I actually followed most of the suggestions: went for a walk, took a shower, did something fun for 30 min. Nothing was working because my mind…"
Saturday
Bashooku posted blog posts
Saturday
Lauren commented on Bashooku's blog post Blind Spots
"Excuse the language here, but I find this interactive self care guide really useful when I'm feeling depressed or anxious and I don't know why...I read your questions and thought you might find it useful as…"
Friday
brists commented on Bashooku's blog post Blind Spots
"Great Voice, Matthew."
Friday
brists left a comment for Bashooku
"Hey, Matthew I am off to the gym to help break off some of the rust of useless thinking. I am tired of obsessing about the same fuucking thing every day, it is getting real old. Have a good day man I hope you doing ok. Really, I think you and I need…"
Friday
Bashooku commented on James's blog post Feeling lost
"Dude, that is rough. Like Cindy said, you're definitely not alone. I'm going through something similar, but my wife wasn't cheating, she was raped and I walked in to find it happening, so I get the PTSD issues. On top of that,…"
Friday

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Bashooku's Blog

Alcoholism

Posted on August 21, 2017 at 3:42am 0 Comments

If you or anyone you know is suffering from alcoholism, seek professional help. If you are close to, in a relationship with, or know someone who is within such a relationship with an alcoholic, please, seek professional help. Friends and family may coddle or even get angry about the situation, which doesn't help and can push things even further into destruction. Encourage the addict to get professional help. Encourage those close to them to get professional help.

AA and…

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Letting go is hard to do.

Posted on August 21, 2017 at 2:20am 2 Comments

I have accepted that my wife and I will never get back together. With how things are with her addiction and how she shifts the blame back onto me, I don't want to get back together with her. I am also conflicted with this desire to help her. I don't want her to go down that road of alcoholism, which she's already been on for far too long.

I don't know if there is anything that could make her see just what her drinking has done to her, her relationships, and her child. I'm not a…

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Torn

Posted on August 18, 2017 at 7:55pm 4 Comments

Yesterday, when I went to pick up my step son from school, I spoke to his teacher and his counselor about what was happening and expressed my concerns about my wife's alcoholism. She's been borrowing money to make bills, but I know that she hasn't been paying those bills. I know that she's been spending that money on booze and frivolous clothing for herself. When I saw my step son, he was wearing clothes he outgrew months ago. She hasn't been buying him new clothes.

I know why she…

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Blind Spots

Posted on August 18, 2017 at 1:58am 4 Comments

I am so tired right now, so, please, excuse any ramblings. I'm experiencing a bout of melancholy as I'm coming down the other side of some anxiety. Yep, it was anxiety and not allergies. lol. The fortunate thing is that it was anxiety induced by a lack of sleep, which took a simple "How much sleep have you gotten?" to help me realize where the increased anxiety was coming from. Big thanks to Kelley for being insightful and asking me that one simple question. I didn't get much more sleep last…

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At 5:08am on August 18, 2017, brists said…

Hey, Matthew I am off to the gym to help break off some of the rust of useless thinking. I am tired of obsessing about the same fuucking thing every day, it is getting real old. Have a good day man I hope you doing ok. Really, I think you and I need to take a respite from our self centered cognitive dwelling.

At 9:07pm on August 17, 2017, James said…
My ex abandond me when i needed her smh, now I'm alone, after I stood by her durring her lowest. Now she's happy with a new man at her best
At 8:49am on August 4, 2017, Lauren said…

Hey!  Thanks for adding me as a friend :)  Hoping your day is going well.

At 4:15am on July 18, 2017, Bashooku said…

Trying to rediscover my self worth. Being dragged through hell by circumstances and by my own anxiety has left me jumping around, trying to put out fire after fire. It's hard to be optimistic. When the anxiety hits, negative thoughts flood my mind and my imagination goes wild. I "know" that these thoughts are not based on reality, but it is so hard to shake them. I've asked myself, "Why do you think of these things? Why not let your mind wander to hopeful thoughts?" The trauma of the events is the answer to those questions. I was fairly positive prior to what happened. I had hopes and focused on them. I still have hopes and dreams, but the anxiety pushes them out when it sweeps over me. I've tried to think about good things, imagine good things, but those thoughts are mere internal dialogue, whereas the fears and paranoia are vivid images like nightmares while I'm awake. It's worse when it hits while I'm trying to go to bed. I then need to keep the TV going as a constant distraction until I can fall asleep before the thoughts interfere again. I want to take back my power. Nobody wants to live like this. I'm not sure what it will take. I know that I haven't been working on this for very long. The traumatic event happened less than three months ago and all the trauma that has happened since then (my wife going back and forth on wanting me to stay or go, her telling me to leave, losing my wife and son, moving two hours away from them, etc.) is still so fresh. It's been two weeks since I moved back to my hometown. My times of lucid control has increased, but I'm still battling with the physical anxiety, which eventually becomes emotional anxiety. It's going to take time to come back from this, but I will come back. I will overcome. I will succeed.

At 3:14am on July 8, 2017, Bashooku said…

The trauma of what happened made near impossible for me to maintain my own sanity. PTSD is not something I thought I would ever have to face in my lifetime. It effected my ability to be there for my wife or even just give her space as I felt an overwhelming compulsion to reach out to her. It wasn't always reaching out to her regarding my own issues. I tried to be there for her, but she closed off. This only fed my anxiety and we ended up in a withdrawer/pursuer relationship, which created a codependency on my part. I was/am wrapped up in her demeanor and body language as it was the only way for me to perceive her emotional state. I'm sure she was going through other things, but my pursuit quickly turned her emotional duress toward me and associate me with the trauma itself. This led to me trying even harder to "fix" things as my anxiety increased. It was a snowball rolling down a large mountain. She would go back and forth about whether or not she wanted to stay together or separate, which added to my anxiety. Every time she would say that she wanted to stay together, I would calm and relax. Every time she changed her mind, my anxiety about the relationship would return doubled. Please, if any of you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, make up your mind to work as a team, develop a plan of how to go about it, and make a commitment to that plan, no matter how hard it gets. I know that, if my wife and I sought and stuck with counseling, we could work through this and be stronger for it. When your family and loved ones are caught in a traumatic event, please, don't abandon them. Stay by their sides no matter what.

At 4:52am on July 6, 2017, Bashooku said…

It happened. The fourth was my wife's birthday. It was a good day and we celebrated together. The next day, she woke me up with telling me that she wanted me to leave. I packed up as much as I could and moved to a new place back in my home town. I can't sleep and writing has always helped me. Ya know, getting things out. Writing helps me process. I was angry. The night before, I received an email about a possible job. I shared it with her, excited at the possibility of moving forward. The next day, while I was begging her not to do this, that job called me for an interview. I had to turn it down because I wasn't going to be staying in the same city. Now, I'm back in my home town without a job, without my wife, and without my stepson.

At 3:47am on July 5, 2017, Bashooku said…

I've recently gone through a traumatic experience that has left me anxious, depressed, sleep deprived, irritable, and, generally, a wreck. I came home to find my wife being raped. Since then, our relationship has crumbled while I have desperately tried to hold things and myself together. To her benefit, she was unconscious and doesn't remember anything. Unfortunately, I remember every detail from when I walked through our front door that night. I've been experiencing PTSD flashbacks and I have a continued anxiety being in my own home. My wife has asked for a separation, withdrawn the request, requested again, said that she loves me and needs me, withdrawn previous statement, and gone back and forth more times than I'd care to list. My own PTSD added to by the repeated trauma of my wife telling me that she wants to separate has only compounded my own anxiety. I have seen a psychiatrist and am seeing a counselor to help me through this as my wife is in no condition to work with me. I know that there are many people out there who don't believe in therapy or medication. The truth is that these are professionals who have spent a large portion of their lives studying and working in the field of psychology and, although you may be the expert on you, there are times when we are so broadsided by life that we forget who we are and these professionals can help us regain our balance. It takes time and there are no quick fixes, but it is more likely to take longer without the help of experts.

 
 
 

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