I am so tired right now, so, please, excuse any ramblings. I'm experiencing a bout of melancholy as I'm coming down the other side of some anxiety. Yep, it was anxiety and not allergies. lol. The fortunate thing is that it was anxiety induced by a lack of sleep, which took a simple "How much sleep have you gotten?" to help me realize where the increased anxiety was coming from. Big thanks to Kelley for being insightful and asking me that one simple question. I didn't get much more sleep last night due to responsibilities today and the fact that I didn't get the wake-up call (ironic pun intended) until late last night.
Naturally, the other side of anxiety is depression. As the energy of anxiety starts to crash, depression follows. Since I know that the emotional responses to all of this are simply due to a recent lack of sleep, it is easier to simply sit with it and let it pass. On the other hand, I can't help but be frustrated with myself about all of the blind spots that have been popping up. I'm glad that I didn't act on the anxiety, but am annoyed with myself for not recognizing it sooner. I'm going to create a list of things in my note pad on my phone to reference when I'm feeling anxiety and don't know why.
Blind spots are such a pain in the ass. We are already so distracted by our daily lives that, when anxiety is added into the equation, so many other things, simple things, important things, get lost and only make it worse until you notice them again. I am so frustrated right now, because this realization is going retrospect in a big way and I'm kicking myself for so much that I could have avoided or done better if I had just noticed/remembered these little things. Well, here's to the future. All I can do is learn from the past and apply it to now: create reminders, keep practicing, challenge myself to make the right/good decision, and say "f*** off" to the anxiety. It all starts internally. How you treat yourself and the thoughts you hold with your self will eventually manifest in your behavior and how you treat others. I know I've shared this before, but it rings true for this message: "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it shall follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." -Shakespeare, Hamlet, Pilonius-
Fall down, get back up. It's all practice. It's THE practice.