I don't understand what's wrong with me. I did everything right. I've done the therapy, the hospital stay, and now I'm on medication, but I'm still so sad. It doesn't make sense.
The more things that I try, the more things don't work...the more hopeless that I feel.
Is this it? Is this all that there is? I feel like I'm better, but the tears still flow. The memories still invade my mind. Why can't I get over this? Why does it still haunt me?
Why can't I be happy for once? Don't I deserve that much?
Lately, the days seem to drag. I spend the days wishing that they were over. Taking care of the kids is getting increasingly more difficult and I find myself wishing away the most precious stages of their lives.
There are days that I long for my children to not need me as much as they do now. Sometimes I wish I could just run away. I want to pack up my things and leave...does that make me a bad mother?
What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?
I feel like I'm drowning in and endless sea of sadness, guilt and lonliness.
The guilt of being a wife and mother are almost unbearable.
The sadness keeps me from doing the things I am supposed to do in those roles.
It keeps me from wanting to take care of my childrn like a mother should.
I keep trying to remind myself that the difficult days are only temporary, that things will get easier, but it becomes harder to convince myself of that with each passing day.
I just don't understand why I can't be happy.
What did I do so wrong? Why can't anyone help me?
I just want to feel normal again.