I wrote a post yesterday but was in a hurry when I left the house yesterday and neglected to post it, bummer. I had some good comments in there and a couple references to Stoicism, Thanks Bashooku. Yesterday I was compelled to not tell the truth to Karina. I was at a friends, who is a girl, but told Karina I was at my father's but I was not. I feel very guilty about not telling the freakin truth. I don't want to be that person anymore, telling lies. I life now is based on past lies that I have told so why would I continue lying? doesn't make sense. But I will come clean when she returns. 

obviously, I am pre-occupied with Karina. She is a beautiful woman and I hope I can keep the relationship going on my part, I have no control of what her perspective is except to be honest, still have work to do, So today I will set my sites on keeping my mind occupied with positive thoughts of the future and hope for positive outcome. 

Things 

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Comment by Bashooku on August 11, 2017 at 3:35am

Why do we ever lie? It's the same reason why we avoid dark tunnels or alleys: we are afraid of the consequences. It's understandable because we are afraid of pain, failure, and this is all rooted in our fear of death (change), but we can all see how this gets in the way of progress. "Give me courage...." In order to make the progress that we wish to see within ourselves, we must be completely honest with ourselves. Don't beat yourself up if there are things you just didn't see before. We all have blind spots and we all make mistakes. Why do we ever lie to ourselves? We lie to ourselves for the same reason. Admitting to ourselves the errors in our ways, let alone to anyone else, would mean that we admit that we are flawed, which, in today's society, is a sign of great weakness. Throw this away. It is a logical fallacy, specifically Bandwagon and appeal to fear. It is more of an act of strength and courage to admit our faults, but infinitely more exhausting to keep up lies while the truth destroys us. As an old Taoist saying goes: "One disease, long life. No disease, short life."

Lies are never solely directed at another person. They are a double edged sword that hurts the user more than the victim. They become habitual until the user can't trust their own actions or words. Habits like these are like atomic bombs: implosive and explosive. Without knowing it, they turn on the user just as easily as they are used on the other and that internalized mistrust creates the conflicting anxiety and paranoia regarding those around you.

How to combat this takes practice: "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." When we practice honesty with ourselves, it is only inevitable that we make it habitual and become honest with others. Remember, you don't have to start with radical honesty with everyone. That can be jarring for those close to you and can cause more anxiety than intended as we beg and wait for forgiveness. Have patience and start with yourself. You are completely safe with admitting things to yourself. You don't even have to share that which you come to terms with, but, when you start this process, you will find relief, release, patience, and, most importantly, strength as you gain self compassion. Take it slow, start small, and practice. "A journey of a thousand miles starts with but a single step." 

I believe in you.

Comment by OddOne on August 10, 2017 at 1:17pm

Brists, I can relate, I have been a liar all my life and I have also decided to come 100% open and honest.  It is harder then I expected.  I've been lying for over  30 years and I am trying so hard to stop.  What works best for me is when I do lie I come clean as soon as I can.  I think you are on the right track. We just have to take it one day at a time, best of luck to you.

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