I was told that telling my story will help me heal, so here we go. I've always been a hard working general labor type of guy until almost 4 years ago, when working at a job I bent over and felt explosions go of in my back. I had ruptured some disk in the small of my back. The pain was excruciating, but I got up and muscled through. The next day I got up and could hardly get my boots on, so I went to the ER and started the path to recovery. Unfortunately Surgery is not an option. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, and the whole time the pain was increasing. The higher the pain got the lower I fell. Funny thing about pain it is not visible, I wish pain would register on people. If your face is green you have a pain of 1 if it is red you have a pain of 10, unfortunately that does not happen, so when people look at you they can't tell if you are in pain or not. my wife brought up another idea about pain, she said "pain is different for every one, how do you know that your pain level of 7 isn't my pain level of 15". She is right pain affects us all differently but the one thing about pain that is true for me was the worse it got, the deeper I slide into my pit of despair. After 3 plus years of chronic pain I had slid to the bottom. What do you do when you realize that all of your dreams won't become reality, all your plans for the future won't get accomplished, and all your hope dies? I was on the bottom of the pit and I realized that the light at the end of the tunnel that every one talks about is not daylight, its a train. I saw no way out so about 10 months ago I attempted suicide for the first time, a little over a month ago I tried again about 3 weeks ago I tried again. The worst part was I hade become such a good liar that no one new the true extent of my pain or my depression. About 2 weeks ago I tried once again, hopefully for the last time. I spent some time in a psych ward, and started getting the help I need. I know I have a long and hard climb to get back, but that will be a different story.