Taking Control - 4 am Saturday Aug 12 2017

Yesterday I Blocked Karina from Messanger. Why? She had to much control over my emotions and well being. I am a very needed person, emotionally, and she had way too much control over those emotions. Dragging my heart, trust, and love five thousand miles away was just too much for me to bare so I took control of the situation and blocked her from Messanger.

Liberating; I have to say that I feel "liberated" as if I have chosen my own destiny. To sit in wonderment over her actions took way too much of my cognitions on a moment by moment basis. I have been through way to much in my life to go back to the negativity that only can be described as HELL, I can't do hell anymore, it is a very dark and lonely place for which if returned I might not make it back; so I choose to walk away and ahhh what liberation. I feel as if  have returned  back to what I call a normal life.

Riding the wave; I met Karina on June1, 2017 her birthday, thru a the Craigslist post for which I posted just a week prior to her answering. During our first meeting we were very relaxed. We smoked and conversed and did the small talk thing as any two strangers would do. Soon our relationship grew into a love affair. For two months we rarely left each others side. 

More later; I just accidently erases a full paragraph...greaaat

Note: I just read Bashooku's post about listening to my rational mind which was screaming to what was needed. My Anxieties, Karina's German actions, were just to far gone from my control. "the anxiety was in far too much control for me to act on rational thought." But, for me, that rational voice was getting louder and stronger; break away my rations thought, so I did. I will not be in touch with her until she returns during the time I will return her possessions i.e. her computer, radio, and bag. Have a wonderful life my dear I hope for the best for you but the wave has shored and the light has dimmed; but my God what a wonderful ride. 

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