I hate that I can't rely on my mental health.  I never know when I'm going to be well and when I'm going to crash. I had a good couple of days and then all of a sudden I'm back in a dark place. I take my meds, go to therapy and I try to do all the "right" things to be stable, but I seem to have no control over this. I excelled at being inpatient, and I know that sounds crazy, but I did so well with the structure and routine so now I'm on my own and I've tried to re create that structure for myself but somehow it's not the same. I don't really know what to do differently, how to get to a place of peace.  My whole world changed after the assault, but I thought by now I'd be in a better place. It's hard to not want to give up sometimes. It's hard to see progress. 

It's just one foot in front of the other I guess. 

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Comment by Lauren on August 6, 2017 at 4:10pm

Thank you Kelley...I appreciate the hug and the words of wisdom, especially on a day when I was feeling so frustrated.

Cathie, I often forget that bad days are only temporary and slip into black and white thinking...I start to think I'll never have a good day again. Thanks for the reminder.

OddOne...I so appreciate that you can understand what it's like to be in a psych ward, and the structure it provides. I try to plan my days as well, but it's not always a fail safe.  

Comment by OddOne on August 6, 2017 at 2:40pm

Lauren, I was scared of leaving the ward because the structure made me feel safe also.  I'm still trying to recreate that structure also. I've tried to make a list the night before, so that when I wake up I know what to do that day.  Unfortunately it does not always work. I still have bad days, but I do my best to forget about the bad days and push on.  Like you said one step at a time, anymore then that and you will trip and fall.

Comment by Cathie on August 6, 2017 at 12:54am

Yes, I try to tell myself the days when I am not feeling in a 'place of peace' or feeling well that it is only temporary and I always turn out to be right so it always gives me hope to look forward to when those feelings will be going away.  

Comment by Kelley on August 5, 2017 at 8:05pm

Hi Lauren I have those up and down days and it does get old but if you never give up on yourself

the good days will outnumber the bad ones and it gets easier to deal with the good ones and the bad ones will go away for the most part . here is a hug to help you know someone does care

{{{{ Hugs }}}}

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