I hate that I can't rely on my mental health. I never know when I'm going to be well and when I'm going to crash. I had a good couple of days and then all of a sudden I'm back in a dark place. I take my meds, go to therapy and I try to do all the "right" things to be stable, but I seem to have no control over this. I excelled at being inpatient, and I know that sounds crazy, but I did so well with the structure and routine so now I'm on my own and I've tried to re create that structure for myself but somehow it's not the same. I don't really know what to do differently, how to get to a place of peace. My whole world changed after the assault, but I thought by now I'd be in a better place. It's hard to not want to give up sometimes. It's hard to see progress.
It's just one foot in front of the other I guess.